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. Well, there’s other things. Talk about the D.A., Malfoy’ll love that. If you want, you can tell him about me being a teacher. I mean, I was looking forward to seeing his face at the feast, but if he’s really making you crazy, you can go ahead and do it.” “Thanks, Harry. I appreciate it, but I’m not going to Deadpool My Unicorn And I Talk Shit About You Shirt . You haven’t thought this through. It would be fun for a half hour or so, but it takes five hours to get to Hogwarts, as you know, and the prefects can leave their car after the first hour. What’s the first thing Malfoy’s going to do?” Harry sighed. “Walk up and down the train, telling every Slytherin and orchestrating boos, hissing, and throwing things when I’m announced at the feast.” “Exactly. No, it has to be a secret. In fact, I’ll talk to Ron, Ginny, and Neville today and make sure they know not to tell anyone.

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We’ll just have to be looking for him in the crowd when Dumbledore introduces you.” “That should be a sight to see. Of course, I’ll probably be so nervous I’ll forget to look. I mean, when I come out the teachers will applaud, they always do, but what about the students? Everyone will be so stunned, I won’t even get polite applause.” “Then just go with it, Harry. Make a joke about it. Tell them that was your first reaction too. My advice is, be yourself. Don’t try to make some prepared speech. Imagine you’re talking to Deadpool My Unicorn And I Talk Shit About You Shirt  D.A. members. If Slytherins jeer or shout comments, ignore them, or put them down if you can think of a comeback. Just keep cool. Before you come out, do some of the Occlumency exercises.” • 180 • “That’s a good idea, I hadn’t thought of that,” Harry said. “Thanks, you’re really a fountain of good advice sometimes.” Hermione chuckled. “If anyone else said that, especially Ron, I’d be sure they were being sarcastic. But I know you mean it, and it’s nice of you to say so.” She paused. “Of more bit of advice: don’t let Snape push you around. Now, you’re a teacher, he’s a teacher. If he’s rude

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going to Hogwarts as a teacher. Still, it was with some trepidation that he got ready to depart on Friday morning. He was double-checking his trunk to make sure it had everything when the phone rang, and he heard Dudley’s yell. “Harry! It’s Hermione!” Harry ran downstairs. As he walked into the kitchen, Dudley was saying, “Yeah, I hope so… no problem… okay, here he is.” He handed the phone to Harry. “Hermione, how are you doing?” “Good, I just wanted to say goodbye before you left. Ron did too, but of course, he doesn’t have a phone, so he just told me in the fireplace to tell you to not worry, you’ll do fine. That’s what I say, too, of course.” • 179 • “I know, thanks. I’m sorry I’ll have to Deadpool My Unicorn And I Talk Shit About You Shirt miss you on the Hogwarts Express. It’ll seem strange not doing that this year. Of course, you and Ron will be together in the prefects’ car.” “With Malfoy, ugh, I can hardly wait…” “Don’t talk to him, and if he says anything, just ignore him. Talk to Ernie and Hannah. Find out how they feel about the Astronomy thing.” “I’d rather not do that in front of Malfoy, you know what he’ll do…” “Yeah, start a campaign to undermine you. I forgot

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